New Computer Viruus Found on the Web

Lorena Bobbit Virus

>      Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

>  Woody Allen Virus
>      Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

>  Tonya Harding Virus
>      Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

>  Paul Revere Virus
>      Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by
>      C:\.

>  Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
>      Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.

>  Ollie North Virus
>      Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.

>  Ronald Reagan Virus
>      Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.

>  Jane Fonda Virus
>      Attacks your hard drive's FAT.

>  Oprah Winfrey virus
>      Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,  and then
>      slowly expands to 300MB.

>  AT&T Virus
>      Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
>      getting.

>  MCI Virus
>      Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too
>      much for the AT&T virus.

>  Politically Correct Virus
>      Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself
>      as an "electronic microorganism."

>  Ross Perot Virus
>      Activates every component in your system, just before the
>      whole darn thing quits.

>  Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
>      Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

>      Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says
>      everything is fine.

>  Federal Bureaucrat Virus
>      Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each
>      of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim
>      to be the most important part of your computer.

>  Adam and Eve Virus
>      Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

>  Congressional Virus #1
>      The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a
>      message appearing on each half blaming the other side for
>      the problem.

>  Congressional Virus #2
>      Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but
>      doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

>  Airline Virus
>      You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
 Freudian Virus
>      Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or
>      becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.

>  PBS Virus
>      Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

>  Jimmy Hoffa Virus
>      Your programs can never be found again

>  LAPD Virus
>      It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
>      and erases them in "self-defense".

>  O.J. Virus
>      It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete
>      two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.